Hoping to grow our Family 9.3.23

 Life has been pretty crazy over here. In the middle of everything, we have been trying and praying for another soul on this Earth. Well, God has given me an even bigger cross. I need uterine repair surgery. Surgery is scheduled for November 10th. 67 days away. We can start trying again January 10th,  2024. I turned 40 in August and I feel like time is slipping away. I need the surgery, so we will be avoiding, we’ve avoided for longer before. But this all feels absurd to me. We have been trying for 2.5 years with not even a hint of a positive. Yet now we need to avoid so I can get uterine repair surgery in 2 months. It’s not even likely we can even conceive in that time, but again, I need the surgery. Praying for a miracle. Praying for a successful surgery and quick recovery and I’m praying that we can have one or two more babies here on this Earth. Life is already pretty hard. Now we just get to add more struggles to a complicated situation. I’m just going to pray for patience and fortitude and pray for our miracle baby or babies. The relic of St. Jude is coming to St. Joe’s on Sept. 21st. I won’t miss it for anything. Saint of desperate and impossible circumstances! He is the Saint I need right now. We need a miracle to heal me and a miracle to have any more babies. St. Jude, pray for me. St. Gianna, pray for me. Our Lady of the Milk Grotto, pray for me,

Surgery tomorrow 2.24.23

 There is so much on my mind as I await my surgery tomorrow morning. I’m finally having my laparoscopy surgery for my incredibly heavy cycles. I most likely have  endometriosis, scar tissue, uterine polyps, and blocked Fallopian tubes. I would love to get pregnant at some point after this, but even if our time is over in that department, I am hopeful that the surgery will improve my cycles and I won’t be incapacitated for 17 days out of the month.

There are so many unknowns, and me as the type A person that I am, I want to control everything. I got the kids and myself to confession and Mass on Tuesday and Ash Wednesday service on Wednesday. This Lent for me will be taking it easy, trying to stay calm and even and letting God take control. I lost my voice a week ago, and every time I try to raise my voice, it’s gone again, so maybe God is trying to get me to yell so much. Lol. 

I’m praying that surgery goes well tomorrow, that we can have peace in our family during Lent and we can eventually have more babies here on Earth. I want to be a Saint, I want my family to become saints. Lord Jesus, help me to surrender to your Will and do everything for your glory!

Attempting to write again

 It’s been forever. 6 kids here on Earth, 3 miscarriages, nearly 14 years of marriage, job changes, moving houses, Covid, a new brace, new goals, life.

So much has happened. I’m going to be 40 this year. How is that possible?! I think this is going to be more of stream of conscious for awhile until I get the hang of it again, or fall off the face of the earth. Lol. 

I want to be a Saint. Full stop. I want my husband and kids to be Saints as well. How does one accomplish that when you have so much working against you? Family of origin, original sin, actual sin, years of habits, anger, a short fuse, you name it, I have it. But I keep trying. I keep praying and going to Mass and confession. I keep loving my kids and asking for forgiveness when I fail, which is often. 

I need to find a way to become a Saint while living in a broken world with a very weary soul. I yearn for more babies here on Earth, I long for a peaceful family, I wonder if my time here on Earth will get me to Heaven, because that is the goal. One day at a time, one hour, one minute.

I lost a dear friend recently, and she is my reminder that I want and need to be a saint. I miss her terribly, she was such a great mom and friend and woman of God. I pray for her intercession often. I want to see her again, I want to see my babies again, soon. But not yet. I have a lot of work left to do and I pray everyday that I can leave a mark on this world like she did. 

That’s it for today. Until next time, which I hope will be soon. God bless!

Andrea Kenny, aspiring Saint

26 week problems

I'm blogging today to remember my experience from yesterday, to remind myself Therese is worth it, and to know, not all doctors care.  So on top of constant contractions, my crazy doctors want me up and moving and attending a million appointments a day. Because my cervix spasms shut and Therese is handling them well, my new normal that I just have to live with is 7 minute apart contractions that hurt like the dickens but aren't doing anything yet. Yay, fun, but whatever, I will deal.

Then yesterday happened, and I will never allow that to happen again, I don't care what my doctors think. I had to attend a diabetes clinic class yesterday. It was the dumbest thing I could do at this point. For women with normal pregnancies, yes, the possibility of gestational diabetes can be a scary thing, I'm not trying to downplay that. But realistically lets go over the risk factors of GD for the baby: higher then normal birth weight, hypoglycemic, pre-term delivery, and possible stillborn after 38 weeks. Even if I had full blown GD, none of these factors would be any different then what is happening right now in my high risk pregnancy. Ok, so the utter stupidity aside, I sat through the class with contractions 5 minutes apart, and as we were wrapping up, my contractions became on top of each other, 30 seconds to 1 minute apart.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't talk, I was doubled over in pain, and my stomach was rock hard without any breaks. Granted, I was at United Hospital and not Abbott, but they really should know better. The gestational diabetes lady would not let me leave, I should have left, I should have refused to be looked at and went home. But I stayed to be monitored. Dumbest idea ever. They hooked me up to the monitors, I was contracting every 15-30 seconds with no breaks. But once again Therese was handling them well and my cervix was tightly closed. They keep saying its unrelated, but my muscles never work properly, and my cervix just doesn't dilate well if at all.

They called my doctor and supposedly they recommend I be sent home. No Tributline, no IV fluids, no pain meds, no extra dose of anything, just send me on my way with contraction that close together. I got my discharge orders and my friend drove like lightening to get me home and I took an extra dose of everything and had a glass of wine.  3 hours from the start of crazy contraction, they finally spaced out to a manageable level.  I called to complain this morning and got a lecture about taking more then then recommend dose. I told her my blood pressure was so high during the crazy contractions, that even if it made my blood pressure dip low, it wouldn't have hurt me. I believe at the time my blood pressure was 160/91, my normal is 80/40. Let's just say I'm one unhappy mommy today.

The doctors are still recommending I attend all of my crazy appointments, I'm declining. If no one else is going to care about my pain management or how exactly I'm going to make it through the next few months, then I have to do something. So, I'm canceling all non OB appointments and just trying to take it easy. I understand that it's too early to deliver and that my contractions aren't currently changing my cervix, but if they really expect me to be in that much pain for the rest of my pregnancy, that is just not a reasonable request.

So how am I today? Mad, very very mad. Contractions are 5-7 minutes apart, who would have thought that would ever be tolerable? But after yesterday, unless I start bleeding, my water breaks, or Therese stops moving, I'm not going into L&D, I'm better off at home monitoring things myself and taking medicine as needed.

So keep praying for me, that things don't get that crazy ever again, that Therese stays in as long as possible, and that I can stay sane with the 'irritable uterus' that is my life for awhile.

26 weeks with crazy contractions

Doesn't she look thrilled with that salad?!

What the dang BP cuff did to my arm!

Pre-term labor strikes again

So here I sit, 25 weeks 4 days pregnant, or better yet, lay down, and think about my whirlwind of a week. I have been to labor and delivery three times in the last five days with pre-term contractions, and one of those was on my 32nd birthday!! Let's just sum it up to say I'm tired, sore, and oh so cranky. Starting earlier in the week my contraction were 10-20 minutes apart, Wednesday they were 5 minutes apart, Thursday 3-5 minutes, Friday after starting 3 different medications we got them down to 7-10 minutes apart!!!!  I was just about to jump for joy, then I woke up this morning with contraction 5 minutes apart again.

If you are reading this thinking, Braxton Hicks, no big deal. These are NO Braxton Hicks.  Imagine engaging your entire abdominal core and back muscles for a whole minute, every five minutes, 24 hours a day, non stop. You can't breathe well, you can't eat, you feel sick, and you just want the pain to stop. My stomach is literally bruising from the constant contractions and I'm tired.  Pre-term contractions started with both James and Chiara, but not this early and not this intense.

I think for me, part of the problem is that my uterus starts to contract and because of my Cerebral Palsy and stroke spasms, my entire abdomen and back muscles follow suite. Think of trying to do a sit-up, again and again and again without stopping. Then keep going.  The result is one cranky mommy.

The other frustrating thing is my cervix doesn't change, it never does, I barely had a vaginal delivery with Miriam because my cervix would rather spasm shut then dilate, and I can abrupt (James' delivery) and the baby's heart rate can decrease (Chiara's delivery) but yet my cervix never changes! And the contractions don't let up. It's like being in active labor for 8-12 weeks. I don't like it at all.

This craziness is on top of my physical therapy from my stroke, my bed rest, and my head/neck injury from the bag falling on my head on the plane. Let's just say, I've had easier years.

I tell you this so you know that a human life is worth the sweat, toil and tears. That every life is precious, and we cannot wait to hold little Therese Helen in our arms in a few months.  We ask for prayers during the next few months, and this sweet girl will be here by Thanksgiving!

NFP Awareness week

As NFP Awareness week draws to a close for another year, I sit here and think of where I would be without NFP and Naprotechnology. I for certain would not have the 3, going on 4 blessings that make my life chaotic and so worth living. I could have gone about my married life trying and trying for a child, and we might have only gotten one in our 6 years together. Not bad of course, but with a heart for children, I've always wanted a ton!

Will I get to a ton of children? Hehe, most certainly not, these 4 blessings have been hard fought for, but I am beginning to think Cerebral Palsy and pregnancy just don't mix very well. My muscles have once again failed me and at 20 weeks pregnant, I'm just as sick as I was at 7 weeks along.

But with the privilege of NFP, we can choose to avoid and work with my cycle until my body is ready for another life. Even if this baby is our last, which I hope and pray is not the case, by using NFP and working with my body, we can always leave that door open, that ray of hope that we will welcome a new soul into this world and raise them as a child of God.

NFP also lets you reflex and pray each and every month and decide if you're in a place to accept and receive the responsibility of a new life. Can we afford it? Are we mentally prepared? Did some huge life event just occur? And the great thing is, you have a partner to help you! My heart is always ready for a new life and I jump at the possibility, especially with my infertility. But my partner in crime, my love, is always there to either encourage the notion or to say maybe we should wait another month.

Just last night I was talking about spacing and more kids, even as my loving husband was helping me to bed because I was so sick and sore from my muscle failure, and he stopped and laughed. "Don't you think we have enough going on right now, honey?" I laughed too. "I guess you're right, let's just get through this pregnancy alive and kicking, then we can talk."

I'm never guaranteed my fertility returning, and I have a feeling I will be desiring more babies well into my eighties and nineties!!! That's what grandchildren are for! So with NFP it's one day at a time, one cycle at a time and one baby at a time! Happy NFP Awareness week!!!!

Here are some pictures below: Me at 20 weeks, which is more then half way done for me!!! And a pictures of our crazy, wonderful munchkins and sweet husband!

Summer and 16 weeks pregnant

Where do I begin? This pregnancy has been much of the same in a lot of ways and different in others. Magnesium oil and Natural Calm have been my best friend. Ancient Mineral Magnesium Oil morning and night and 2 scoops of Natural Calm in warm water before bed have kept my morning sickness at a semi manageable level. Also B6 and Unisom three times a day, taking all my pills and taking floradix iron and staying away from zofran. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't care less about the lawsuit and supposed birth defects, I took it like water for three kids who are completely fine. My worry is the extreme constipation zofran causes. Staying regular is a MAJOR factor in lessening morning sickness, it doesn't stop it, but it sure makes it better.

So besides feeling full term at only 16 weeks, I went back and compared all my pictures, I'm always this big, and I always lose the weight after. I look like I've swallowed a basketball. I guess the upside this time around, I'm actually eating real food and not surviving off of ice cream in between vomiting all day long. All in all, I'm a pretty cute pregnant lady. The leg swelling and headaches have me a little concerned, but my blood pressure machine always clocks me in at zombie level, so when it starts reading normal, I'll get worried.

In other news, my love and I have been married for 6 years and we were able to get away for an evening without the mini munchkins. It was fantastic, great food, good musical, amazing company. That night out reminds me that we need to schedule more date nights. I love our children, but mommy needs a night out with daddy once in awhile. Thank you to our amazing friends who helped to watch the kids

Summer in Minnesota is always interesting, add pregnancy hormones and I can die of heat and freeze to death within the same 3 minute time frame. I have yet to turn on the AC, it's against every fiber of my being in the month of June. Last August, the bill almost caused a heart attack, I refuse to repeat last summer. It's hot, but we have all survived so far.

Speaking of surviving, we successfully completed Miriam's pre k year with Seton homeschool and have enrolled her in Seton kindergarten! Meanwhile over the summer we will work on reading, numbers and a variety of fun kindergarden activity books. Homeschooling seems daunting at first, I was terrified I wouldn't be able to teach her, but guess what? Children learn, and they absorb everything around them. This doesn't mean homeschooling will be easy, but I have a lot more confidence then I did a year ago.

What else? Family pictures are important. Even if that means you set up a self timer and take a bunch, but regardless, take family pictures. This summer, a friend from elementary school took our pictures and did an amazing job. Pictures are important for memories and spending time together, and realizing both happy and difficult times need remembering.

As June draws to a close we look forward to summer learning, birthday parties, graduations, and a very much needed trip to Tahoe in August to celebrate 50 years of marriage for Brendan's parents. I hope and pray that pre term labor starts AFTER we get back, better yet, not at all. But really, it's going to start sometime, I just pray we can make it to late September.

16 weeks with baby #4

Family picture June 13th

A worn out Chiara! 

Out with my love

Lamb

Dessert!!!

Guthrie Musical Performance