Hoping to grow our Family 9.3.23

 Life has been pretty crazy over here. In the middle of everything, we have been trying and praying for another soul on this Earth. Well, God has given me an even bigger cross. I need uterine repair surgery. Surgery is scheduled for November 10th. 67 days away. We can start trying again January 10th,  2024. I turned 40 in August and I feel like time is slipping away. I need the surgery, so we will be avoiding, we’ve avoided for longer before. But this all feels absurd to me. We have been trying for 2.5 years with not even a hint of a positive. Yet now we need to avoid so I can get uterine repair surgery in 2 months. It’s not even likely we can even conceive in that time, but again, I need the surgery. Praying for a miracle. Praying for a successful surgery and quick recovery and I’m praying that we can have one or two more babies here on this Earth. Life is already pretty hard. Now we just get to add more struggles to a complicated situation. I’m just going to pray for patience and fortitude and pray for our miracle baby or babies. The relic of St. Jude is coming to St. Joe’s on Sept. 21st. I won’t miss it for anything. Saint of desperate and impossible circumstances! He is the Saint I need right now. We need a miracle to heal me and a miracle to have any more babies. St. Jude, pray for me. St. Gianna, pray for me. Our Lady of the Milk Grotto, pray for me,

Surgery tomorrow 2.24.23

 There is so much on my mind as I await my surgery tomorrow morning. I’m finally having my laparoscopy surgery for my incredibly heavy cycles. I most likely have  endometriosis, scar tissue, uterine polyps, and blocked Fallopian tubes. I would love to get pregnant at some point after this, but even if our time is over in that department, I am hopeful that the surgery will improve my cycles and I won’t be incapacitated for 17 days out of the month.

There are so many unknowns, and me as the type A person that I am, I want to control everything. I got the kids and myself to confession and Mass on Tuesday and Ash Wednesday service on Wednesday. This Lent for me will be taking it easy, trying to stay calm and even and letting God take control. I lost my voice a week ago, and every time I try to raise my voice, it’s gone again, so maybe God is trying to get me to yell so much. Lol. 

I’m praying that surgery goes well tomorrow, that we can have peace in our family during Lent and we can eventually have more babies here on Earth. I want to be a Saint, I want my family to become saints. Lord Jesus, help me to surrender to your Will and do everything for your glory!

Attempting to write again

 It’s been forever. 6 kids here on Earth, 3 miscarriages, nearly 14 years of marriage, job changes, moving houses, Covid, a new brace, new goals, life.

So much has happened. I’m going to be 40 this year. How is that possible?! I think this is going to be more of stream of conscious for awhile until I get the hang of it again, or fall off the face of the earth. Lol. 

I want to be a Saint. Full stop. I want my husband and kids to be Saints as well. How does one accomplish that when you have so much working against you? Family of origin, original sin, actual sin, years of habits, anger, a short fuse, you name it, I have it. But I keep trying. I keep praying and going to Mass and confession. I keep loving my kids and asking for forgiveness when I fail, which is often. 

I need to find a way to become a Saint while living in a broken world with a very weary soul. I yearn for more babies here on Earth, I long for a peaceful family, I wonder if my time here on Earth will get me to Heaven, because that is the goal. One day at a time, one hour, one minute.

I lost a dear friend recently, and she is my reminder that I want and need to be a saint. I miss her terribly, she was such a great mom and friend and woman of God. I pray for her intercession often. I want to see her again, I want to see my babies again, soon. But not yet. I have a lot of work left to do and I pray everyday that I can leave a mark on this world like she did. 

That’s it for today. Until next time, which I hope will be soon. God bless!

Andrea Kenny, aspiring Saint

26 week problems

I'm blogging today to remember my experience from yesterday, to remind myself Therese is worth it, and to know, not all doctors care.  So on top of constant contractions, my crazy doctors want me up and moving and attending a million appointments a day. Because my cervix spasms shut and Therese is handling them well, my new normal that I just have to live with is 7 minute apart contractions that hurt like the dickens but aren't doing anything yet. Yay, fun, but whatever, I will deal.

Then yesterday happened, and I will never allow that to happen again, I don't care what my doctors think. I had to attend a diabetes clinic class yesterday. It was the dumbest thing I could do at this point. For women with normal pregnancies, yes, the possibility of gestational diabetes can be a scary thing, I'm not trying to downplay that. But realistically lets go over the risk factors of GD for the baby: higher then normal birth weight, hypoglycemic, pre-term delivery, and possible stillborn after 38 weeks. Even if I had full blown GD, none of these factors would be any different then what is happening right now in my high risk pregnancy. Ok, so the utter stupidity aside, I sat through the class with contractions 5 minutes apart, and as we were wrapping up, my contractions became on top of each other, 30 seconds to 1 minute apart.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't talk, I was doubled over in pain, and my stomach was rock hard without any breaks. Granted, I was at United Hospital and not Abbott, but they really should know better. The gestational diabetes lady would not let me leave, I should have left, I should have refused to be looked at and went home. But I stayed to be monitored. Dumbest idea ever. They hooked me up to the monitors, I was contracting every 15-30 seconds with no breaks. But once again Therese was handling them well and my cervix was tightly closed. They keep saying its unrelated, but my muscles never work properly, and my cervix just doesn't dilate well if at all.

They called my doctor and supposedly they recommend I be sent home. No Tributline, no IV fluids, no pain meds, no extra dose of anything, just send me on my way with contraction that close together. I got my discharge orders and my friend drove like lightening to get me home and I took an extra dose of everything and had a glass of wine.  3 hours from the start of crazy contraction, they finally spaced out to a manageable level.  I called to complain this morning and got a lecture about taking more then then recommend dose. I told her my blood pressure was so high during the crazy contractions, that even if it made my blood pressure dip low, it wouldn't have hurt me. I believe at the time my blood pressure was 160/91, my normal is 80/40. Let's just say I'm one unhappy mommy today.

The doctors are still recommending I attend all of my crazy appointments, I'm declining. If no one else is going to care about my pain management or how exactly I'm going to make it through the next few months, then I have to do something. So, I'm canceling all non OB appointments and just trying to take it easy. I understand that it's too early to deliver and that my contractions aren't currently changing my cervix, but if they really expect me to be in that much pain for the rest of my pregnancy, that is just not a reasonable request.

So how am I today? Mad, very very mad. Contractions are 5-7 minutes apart, who would have thought that would ever be tolerable? But after yesterday, unless I start bleeding, my water breaks, or Therese stops moving, I'm not going into L&D, I'm better off at home monitoring things myself and taking medicine as needed.

So keep praying for me, that things don't get that crazy ever again, that Therese stays in as long as possible, and that I can stay sane with the 'irritable uterus' that is my life for awhile.

26 weeks with crazy contractions

Doesn't she look thrilled with that salad?!

What the dang BP cuff did to my arm!

Pre-term labor strikes again

So here I sit, 25 weeks 4 days pregnant, or better yet, lay down, and think about my whirlwind of a week. I have been to labor and delivery three times in the last five days with pre-term contractions, and one of those was on my 32nd birthday!! Let's just sum it up to say I'm tired, sore, and oh so cranky. Starting earlier in the week my contraction were 10-20 minutes apart, Wednesday they were 5 minutes apart, Thursday 3-5 minutes, Friday after starting 3 different medications we got them down to 7-10 minutes apart!!!!  I was just about to jump for joy, then I woke up this morning with contraction 5 minutes apart again.

If you are reading this thinking, Braxton Hicks, no big deal. These are NO Braxton Hicks.  Imagine engaging your entire abdominal core and back muscles for a whole minute, every five minutes, 24 hours a day, non stop. You can't breathe well, you can't eat, you feel sick, and you just want the pain to stop. My stomach is literally bruising from the constant contractions and I'm tired.  Pre-term contractions started with both James and Chiara, but not this early and not this intense.

I think for me, part of the problem is that my uterus starts to contract and because of my Cerebral Palsy and stroke spasms, my entire abdomen and back muscles follow suite. Think of trying to do a sit-up, again and again and again without stopping. Then keep going.  The result is one cranky mommy.

The other frustrating thing is my cervix doesn't change, it never does, I barely had a vaginal delivery with Miriam because my cervix would rather spasm shut then dilate, and I can abrupt (James' delivery) and the baby's heart rate can decrease (Chiara's delivery) but yet my cervix never changes! And the contractions don't let up. It's like being in active labor for 8-12 weeks. I don't like it at all.

This craziness is on top of my physical therapy from my stroke, my bed rest, and my head/neck injury from the bag falling on my head on the plane. Let's just say, I've had easier years.

I tell you this so you know that a human life is worth the sweat, toil and tears. That every life is precious, and we cannot wait to hold little Therese Helen in our arms in a few months.  We ask for prayers during the next few months, and this sweet girl will be here by Thanksgiving!

NFP Awareness week

As NFP Awareness week draws to a close for another year, I sit here and think of where I would be without NFP and Naprotechnology. I for certain would not have the 3, going on 4 blessings that make my life chaotic and so worth living. I could have gone about my married life trying and trying for a child, and we might have only gotten one in our 6 years together. Not bad of course, but with a heart for children, I've always wanted a ton!

Will I get to a ton of children? Hehe, most certainly not, these 4 blessings have been hard fought for, but I am beginning to think Cerebral Palsy and pregnancy just don't mix very well. My muscles have once again failed me and at 20 weeks pregnant, I'm just as sick as I was at 7 weeks along.

But with the privilege of NFP, we can choose to avoid and work with my cycle until my body is ready for another life. Even if this baby is our last, which I hope and pray is not the case, by using NFP and working with my body, we can always leave that door open, that ray of hope that we will welcome a new soul into this world and raise them as a child of God.

NFP also lets you reflex and pray each and every month and decide if you're in a place to accept and receive the responsibility of a new life. Can we afford it? Are we mentally prepared? Did some huge life event just occur? And the great thing is, you have a partner to help you! My heart is always ready for a new life and I jump at the possibility, especially with my infertility. But my partner in crime, my love, is always there to either encourage the notion or to say maybe we should wait another month.

Just last night I was talking about spacing and more kids, even as my loving husband was helping me to bed because I was so sick and sore from my muscle failure, and he stopped and laughed. "Don't you think we have enough going on right now, honey?" I laughed too. "I guess you're right, let's just get through this pregnancy alive and kicking, then we can talk."

I'm never guaranteed my fertility returning, and I have a feeling I will be desiring more babies well into my eighties and nineties!!! That's what grandchildren are for! So with NFP it's one day at a time, one cycle at a time and one baby at a time! Happy NFP Awareness week!!!!

Here are some pictures below: Me at 20 weeks, which is more then half way done for me!!! And a pictures of our crazy, wonderful munchkins and sweet husband!

Summer and 16 weeks pregnant

Where do I begin? This pregnancy has been much of the same in a lot of ways and different in others. Magnesium oil and Natural Calm have been my best friend. Ancient Mineral Magnesium Oil morning and night and 2 scoops of Natural Calm in warm water before bed have kept my morning sickness at a semi manageable level. Also B6 and Unisom three times a day, taking all my pills and taking floradix iron and staying away from zofran. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't care less about the lawsuit and supposed birth defects, I took it like water for three kids who are completely fine. My worry is the extreme constipation zofran causes. Staying regular is a MAJOR factor in lessening morning sickness, it doesn't stop it, but it sure makes it better.

So besides feeling full term at only 16 weeks, I went back and compared all my pictures, I'm always this big, and I always lose the weight after. I look like I've swallowed a basketball. I guess the upside this time around, I'm actually eating real food and not surviving off of ice cream in between vomiting all day long. All in all, I'm a pretty cute pregnant lady. The leg swelling and headaches have me a little concerned, but my blood pressure machine always clocks me in at zombie level, so when it starts reading normal, I'll get worried.

In other news, my love and I have been married for 6 years and we were able to get away for an evening without the mini munchkins. It was fantastic, great food, good musical, amazing company. That night out reminds me that we need to schedule more date nights. I love our children, but mommy needs a night out with daddy once in awhile. Thank you to our amazing friends who helped to watch the kids

Summer in Minnesota is always interesting, add pregnancy hormones and I can die of heat and freeze to death within the same 3 minute time frame. I have yet to turn on the AC, it's against every fiber of my being in the month of June. Last August, the bill almost caused a heart attack, I refuse to repeat last summer. It's hot, but we have all survived so far.

Speaking of surviving, we successfully completed Miriam's pre k year with Seton homeschool and have enrolled her in Seton kindergarten! Meanwhile over the summer we will work on reading, numbers and a variety of fun kindergarden activity books. Homeschooling seems daunting at first, I was terrified I wouldn't be able to teach her, but guess what? Children learn, and they absorb everything around them. This doesn't mean homeschooling will be easy, but I have a lot more confidence then I did a year ago.

What else? Family pictures are important. Even if that means you set up a self timer and take a bunch, but regardless, take family pictures. This summer, a friend from elementary school took our pictures and did an amazing job. Pictures are important for memories and spending time together, and realizing both happy and difficult times need remembering.

As June draws to a close we look forward to summer learning, birthday parties, graduations, and a very much needed trip to Tahoe in August to celebrate 50 years of marriage for Brendan's parents. I hope and pray that pre term labor starts AFTER we get back, better yet, not at all. But really, it's going to start sometime, I just pray we can make it to late September.

16 weeks with baby #4

Family picture June 13th

A worn out Chiara! 

Out with my love

Lamb

Dessert!!!

Guthrie Musical Performance

New life struggles and school

As we wrap up our first year of homeschooling with Miriam, I find myself confined to the couch on strict bedrest with our 4th little blessing!

We found out around Easter that we are expecting. This is such an amazing blessing because we were once again one cycle away from using our old friend Clomid to try and jump start my rusty ovaries. Even with three blessings and one on the way, infertility never stops reminding me how hard fought each of these souls are.

Which brings us to our current situation. The doctors have discovered a large subchronic hemorrhage/hematoma (SCH) that is hugging the gestational sac and threatening this baby's life. A SCH is basically a blood clot inside the uterus, by or around the gestational sac where the baby is hanging out. If they are small, they most likely resolved themselves and absorb back into the uterus. The large ones tend to be more complicated. They can rupture and cause a miscarriage, they can grow along with baby and cause a long and scary pregnancy, and they can attach to the placenta and cause an abruption resulting in an early delivery.

We are praying for the best case scenario where it absorbs back into the uterus and our baby stays strong and healthy. As of yesterday, our baby had a strong heartbeat of 142 and was a wiggly little thing. Stay safe baby! Stay strong and keep fighting.

Currently, I'm on strict bedrest, taking as much progesterone as my body will handle and trying to drink water and not let morning sickness or 'what ifs' to get me down. Today I'm 7 weeks 3 days pregnant with a healthy baby and I'm praying that baby decides to stay here with mommy.

Our due date is Dec 8th, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. Momma Mary, please protect my child, heal this hemorrhage and allow this child to live here on Earth with us to grow, learn and be a part of our loving family. Amen.

Homeschooling week 2

So it has begun!!!! Week 2 of homeschooling and no one has died! Can you imagine that? Miriam is getting better at recognizing her letters and spelling words on her own little by little.

Some of the best gems from today were when we were discussing prayer and I asked her what she thinks about when she prays to Jesus. "Mama Mary." "That's nice sweetie, but is Jesus there too?" "Of course," she said. "He is sitting on Mama Mary's lap." "Oh, it's baby Jesus you see." I said. "Yep, and John the Baptist is there too, but he is just dunking people under water."

Then we were discussing a classical painting of Heaven and I wanted her to identify Jesus, Mary, and God the Father. She correctly pointed to Jesus and Mary and then looked confused, pointing to Jesus again. "But Jesus is God, Mom." I smiled. "That's true, but in this picture, God is the older man with the world in his hands. But you are right, Jesus is God." She gave me another look, "It's complicated Mom."

All in all, I think we are enjoying ourselves so far. The best was today when I had Miriam copy the word Angel, and she did so well! I will include a picture. Our adventures continue in the Kenny house.

Homeschooling adventures

So a quick note about life. I'm going to attempt to start homeschooling Miriam with the Seaton Pre school program starting in a few weeks.

I'm not sure how well I will do, but I'm taking it one day at a time.

I will update with pictures and progress when I can. Pray for us. Also, any advice you can offer for our homeschooling journey, I will take. :)

On a completely unrelated note, Brendan and I watched the movie "Warm Bodies" tonight. It had some crazy good religious undertones which I will try to write more about later. If you haven't seen it, please do.

I leave you with some family pictures from a photo shoot at St. Hubert's.

Oh Baby

My last entry I was 16 weeks pregnant with our third baby. Today, Feb 16th, is Chiara's due date and Brendan's 35th birthday. Chiara Rose Kenny was born on January 8th at 34 weeks and 3 days. I am so, so happy we made it that far. She had a little trouble breathing, so she was in the NICU for awhile, but she is home now and doing great.

So what has been happening during this time? Life. Life has been happening. Surviving one day at a time and trying to wrangle 3 crazy kiddos. For the most part, Miriam has been an amazing big sister, helping where she can and absolutely loving Chiara. James is another story. Our 20 month old has decided that screaming all day, everyday is the cool thing to do. Sigh, I'm glad God invented wine for Mommy when Daddy walks through the door, because by 7pm, I really need it. :)

Chiara will be baptized into the Catholic Church on Sunday, and we are all excited to have a new little Catholic in the family. Oh, and for everyone wondering, Chiara is named after St. Claire of Assisi and is pronounced (key-are-a).

What else? I guess I have an old man as a husband now, seeing as Brendan is 35 and all. Hehe.  Overall I think his birthday was a hit, we all made it to Church, had some good food, played with the kids, and watched a good series (Sherlock Holmes the BBC version-awesome!).

Speaking of watching something, I want to give my review of the movie Winters Tale, but that will have to wait for another day. But just a heads up, don't waste your money on that one. :)

Lastly, here are some pictures of the last few months, enjoy!

Time marches on

Seriously it seems like I blink and it has been months since my last post. And boy how things have changed.

We are currently 16 weeks pregnant with baby #3. This was quite unexpected and out of left field, but we are ecstatic non the less.  I know most people reading this think we are crazy with all my health problems and complications that we would be even open to more children. But we are. Children are the greatest blessing that God can bestow upon a family, and we welcome any additions with open arms and a joyous heart.

That doesn't mean everything is wine and roses in the meantime. Wine, oh how I miss thee. :)  Everything about pregnancy is hard for me; the mobility, the sickness, the liver problems, the sub chronic hemorrhage, the possibility of pre-e and abruption again, and the bed rest.

So yes, rough roads are ahead, but we have gotten through so much worse, we will survive this as well.

We will take all the prayers we can get right now. What's the saying, "we make too much for help, but too little to get by." This is us right now, caught in a very strange place and trying to work out the kinks. We will get through it, but need prayers.

The kids are getting so big and we love it here in Minnesota. Brendan loves his job and we are blessed with a new life once again.

I have also been humbled by having to hire a nanny. We love her and she is excellent with the kids, it just kills me not being able to take care of my kids by myself. Between my disability, stroke, bed rest and pregnancy, this mommy doesn't leave the couch much. I wish things were different, but this is the reality of our life right now.

So keep praying, call if you get the chance (I always love to talk) and keep reading for all the exciting upcoming twists and turns of our life ahead.

Home Ownership

Sometimes I hate being a grown up. Even more then paying medical bills and juggling appointments or even doing laundry (which I loathe with a passion) is trying to maintain everything you need to run a house smoothly.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE owning our own home with a yard and a garage! I love it. We have a washer and dryer and a dishwasher so I don't have to do things by hand anymore. Yeah! I love our basement that the kids can run around in and Brendan can have his office. I love the fact that we can take chalk and go out and draw on the driveway, or take chairs and sit on the deck.

But what I don't like, and quite frankly makes my head spin, is home maintenance. I have no clue what I am doing when it comes to appliances breaking down, changing filters, or yard/garden work. I do know there is a learning curve, but I think my brain just cannot keep up! Things need doing at certain times and I find myself pushing back "deadlines" because I'm at a loss.

We do have a home service plan for the major fixes, but I will be darned if I am going to pay thousands of dollars for the little things that we should be able to keep up with.

For instance, our lawn. It is in sorry shape. The previous homeowners stopped taking care of it once the home was on the market. We should have said something, should have caught it, but we didn't. So now we are stuck with a sad, sad yard and not a lot of experience. I refuse to spend a few thousand on sod and have it not really work or work well.

So I sent Brendan out with seed and fertilizer and then we water the heck out of things, hoping for the best. Hehe. I know we will eventually get used to this home ownership thing and come up with a plan and a system. But until then we seem to be treading water.  Oh, and Brendan likes to include the kids in home projects, I think it is cute.

Spring has arrived!!!

Everyone in the great state of Minnesota is breathing a collective sigh of relief, probably with the windows open and in bare feet. Spring has FINALLY come! It was just snowing four days ago and now it is in the 70's and it is beautiful.

My husband told me today that he never appreciated warm weather. He grew up in California and we lived there for the first 3 years of our marriage. It's a wonderful place where the weather is ALWAYS nice. He never appreciated warm weather until today.

We can thank God for the sun and the warmth and be grateful for beautiful days. I mean we went to the park four times this weekend! Four times and had to use sunscreen. I have never been happier then lathering my children up and sending them down the slides.

Kids love warm weather. They can run and jump and breath fresh air, and then they take three hour naps. I love this weather! Any depression or sadness seems to melt away with the sun. I know there will still be cold days in our future, the weatherman said the forties next week. But this is our glimmer of hope, our rainbow after a storm.

Summer will soon be here in the frozen tundra and I am grinning from ear to ear. Miriam even convinced me to buy her a pool, which she probably can't use for a few more months, but hey, summer is in the air.

Don't take good weather for granted. If you live in a warm place, praise God for that. If you live in the mid west, just thank God that we don't have snow in June. :) But in all seriousness, after a long, long time in the cold, a warm spring day feels like a blessing from God. I will be sure not to waste any time!

The tooth fairy better pay up!

I'm drugged, so we shall see how this one goes. Teeth pain is some of the worst pain a person can experience in my humble opinion. I have given birth twice, under some pretty gruesome circumstances, yet teeth pain makes it all pale in comparison.

I got a root canal done when I was 11 years old, and it has been holding firm for a good number of years. Then in January I had to get a root canal done on another tooth, forcing me to chew and use the right side of my jaw (which has never been used much because of my Cerebral Palsy.) Anyway, I think that contributed to my tooth trouble.

Yesterday I woke up in pain from what I thought was clenching my teeth. The Chiropractor adjusted my jaw and I felt better. 4am today rolled around and I was dying. My gums were 3 times the normal size and I was in a lot of pain. I thought it had abscessed, but it was much worse.

The dentist got me in at 8:30am and found that my old root canal was abscessed and that the root was cracked to the jawbone. The tooth had to go. I am glad it is over, but I don't wish that on my worst enemy. It was done at the office with a crazy amount of numbing agent, and after the extraction he found that the infection almost entered the jawbone, yikes. This means the infection had been brewing for a long time and finally drove me over the edge in pain.

I am also not your normal case, so my recovery time will be a lot longer. If you remember, please say a prayer for a speedy healing process. In 6 weeks I go in for an evaluation and discussion between a bridge and a dental implant.  Please feel free to chime in to what you think is best, bridge or dental implant. I will be doing research too, but I would love to hear from anyone with firsthand knowledge. All I can say is the tooth fairy better have a couple thousand underneath my pillow in the morning!

Well, it is WAY past my bedtime when I have drugs and pain taking over my body, so that will do it for tonight. Oh, and my sweet munchkins have cold, poor Miriam lost her voice this morning and James is a snotty mess.

What a life I lead! Hehe.

Children and Mass

Children are a blessing.  Blessings we love and cuddle and cannot get enough of, until they step through the doors of the sacred space on a Sunday morning. Then all hell breaks loose.

Taking children to Mass sometimes feels like preparing for battle. The diaper bag is packed full of weaponry to soothe the savage beasts and you pray for no blood shed. We don't use the crying room, crying rooms are for the faint of heart. No sir, we are on the front lines, front and center, facing whatever battle is to come.

I wish I could say we always have a successful time and there are no tears or screaming. But alas, I have a two year old and a 10 month old. The best I can hope for is no one dying and me to not need a drink after the closing song.

Most Sundays we struggle through, juggling baby James, trying and usually failing to avoid screaming matches with Miriam. It ends with Brendan taking her in back wailing, usually during consecration, "I don't waaaaant to go in time ouuuutttttt!!!"  It is days like that I wonder about our choice to take the little ones to Mass.

But then you have days like today, and they kind of make me smile. It was still hard, Miriam doesn't sit still and James is crazy. But there were a few times she got it. She really seemed to understand the point of Mass. "Jesus die on the cross mommy?" "Jesus come down in bread and wine?"  "Yes sweetheart."  And then she becomes a two year old again. "You drink wine mommy?" "Me drink wine when me get older." "Just one more song mommy." And then she claps at the end of Mass, "Yay! Now me can talk and get a lollipop."

Yes, I have been known to bribe my children for good behavior. But honestly, overall, she is getting better and better and I wouldn't trade the front row for the crying room in all the world. Happy Sunday!

Cabin Fever

I love Minnesota. It is affordable, full of wonderful people, and my husband loves his job. The one thing I hate, despise with every fiber of my being is winter. It can go, leave, and never EVER come back.

Here we sit, April 18th and there is a snow storm outside my window! Really? REALLY! Miriam and James have been going nuts inside and I'm reaching for another glass of wine as I write this post. Winter is only good for two things, Christmas and New Years. Therefore, it can snow from December 1st to January 1st and then it should all melt and be in the 80's. That is my kind of weather.

It is no wonder people get more depressed and sad in the winter. Being stuck inside for 7 months out of the year with two kids that are bouncing off the walls, we should get a dang metal. Better yet, keep your metal and give me a solo vacation to Hawaii. I think people in Alaska even have it easier.

Even with the day planned out, if the little ones don't get fresh air and sun, no art project in the world is going to make them happy. Why not just bundle them up and head outside? The downfall of limited mobility and a disability, I can't run after my kids in the snow. I can see the headlines now: "Woman found frozen in the snow after fall, two year old couldn't dig her out." Yeah, kind of want to avoid front page press.

We were supposed to go out to dinner tonight to see a friend that is in town for business, but we had to cancel because of the road conditions. For heaven's sake, it's Tornado Awareness Week, that time of year we should be worrying about spring storms and tornado sightings. Instead we had to cancel the one real adult interaction I was to have this week because of a snow storm. Yep, I am done and going stir crazy.

Days like today make me miss living in the Bay Area. It wasn't perfect, way too expensive, no families for miles, but they also did NOT have a foot of snow in mid April!

So if anyone reading this wants to treat me to a tropical getaway, I'm in. And make it a one way ticket while you are at it.

Soul Mates

Soul mates, yet another thing Hollywood and the general media has drilled into our heads, giving us a very skewed notion of life and love. Ms. N and I were watching a show, and the young woman on the screen was pining away for a love she could never have, what she called her "soul mate." I commented to the screen that she should get a life and find a man she could actually have.  This sparked a conversation.

How many young women become old women searching for soul mates that never exist? How many times do people let great relationships go because they are waiting for the perfect person, the person that makes them whole?

Movies and TV cry out to us to wait for it, cheat for it, even steal for it. That perfect person is out there, even sometimes coming in the disguise of an affair. It's wrong, you think, but also OK because they are "meant" for each other.

How many online dating sites out there claim to help you find your soul mate? And how many people have an unrealistic view of what they are looking for in a relationship? As a famous movie line once said, most people want to fall into someones arms and say "You complete me."  

The sad fact is no human being will ever make another whole, people will always disappoint and let us down. We are looking for our soul mate, but we won't find them on this earth. Our soul mate is Christ, that is who our heart desires and longs for.

Our mission and purpose on this planet is to find another person to love and care for, to raise saints and get each other to heaven. That is where our soul mate waits to fulfill our every hope and dream, to make us complete.  

Everything else is just gravy. Maybe this makes me too practical, or not romantic enough. Maybe you will question my love and devotion to the man I married. You shouldn't. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband to pieces and I would lay down my life for him and my precious children. But he isn't my soul mate.

He is the man I love and is an amazing husband and father, but he isn't perfect. And neither am I. We make each other's lives better, we support each other, we strive to be saints and to raise saints for heaven. But our love isn't perfect, it can't be, we are sinners. If either of us die, I hope we would both find love again, marry again. And God willing, we will all be reunited in heaven under the perfect love of our hearts desire.

FPIES is at it again

Even though we are dealing with 20% FPIES or so the doctor believes, it still manages to put a big dent in our evening plans. Last weekend we went to the Mall and James devoured a plate of french fries from the restaurant with no ill affects.

So throughout the week as we sat down for dinner we put James in the high chair to munch on fries. Last night he had crinkle cut fries from Target which was a change from the skinny fries also from Target.

My happy go lucky boy ate two or three french fries, he was fine and playing, until 2 hours later. He started coughing, then vomiting, then dry heaving off and on for the next few hours. Poor little James.

That made for a very long night last night. Going in to check on him every time he made a sound to make sure he wasn't vomiting again, and then setting up the pack and play in our room, because I wanted to be there fast if something happened. So we got through the night and he woke up today like nothing had happened. Really?! I do hate FPIES. I wish we could do something besides this trial and error stuff, because it's starting to grate on my nerves.

So we bit the bullet today and made our own fries, praying it wasn't the potatoes that he had a reaction to. Just potato, olive oil and a little salt. Now we wait and see, although he only ate a quarter of a fry, so I'm not sure that would be enough for any reaction whatsoever.

I will keep you all updated if we try something new, but I have a feeling we will be sticking to only fries for the foreseeable future. I am calling on Monday to get him into be seen at the feeding clinic and the gastrointestinal specialist. Small steps at a time, and today James is a happy healthy boy.

Television reflection

I don't know about you, but I have been wondering where all the good writers have gone?  Television just is not the same anymore and the plots are predictable and pretty dumb most of the time. Are they letting teenagers write scripts now? 

I am writing this as I sit down to yet another new show that I do not see going anywhere. Is this really what people want to see? I am "people" and I don't want to see any of this. I turn off the TV at night feeling disappointed and let down, thinking they could have gone so many directions with a plot or theme, but they don't, ever.

I cannot tell you the number of times I sit down to watch a new episode, any episode, and I can guess the plot and killer within the first 3 minutes of the show. Maybe that means I watch too much television, probably. But regardless, television is my escape for a time, and I have not found a good escape in a good long while.

Perhaps it started with the writers strike back in 2006 or whenever it was, but there are no depth to programs anymore. It comes down to reality television, badly written scripts, and sex/gore/violence shows. And I want none of them. There have been glimmers of hope here and there, but overall television has widely sucked for quite awhile. And any "glimmer" is usually cancelled within a season or moved to some obscure time slot or channel that no one has ever heard of. There they go to die.

Even shows that start out so promising, half way through the season end up drab and lacking. Seriously, are they hiring teenage writers? And what about reality TV? It is taking over our country and it's appalling. Yes it's low budget and gives people their 15 minutes of fame, but is it really worth our time? How many bachelors actually find lasting love? How many idols actually get famous? And survivor, don't get me started. News flash for anyone who lives under a rock, even reality TV is scripted, and not very well. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Then there are the shows where the more sex and gore, the better. Serial killers, affairs, murder, and blood, lots of blood. Sounds like the 5 pm news, but no, it's prime time television. I again have to ask, is this really what people want? It reminds me of Fahrenheit 451, staring at a screen, zoning out, not learning or bettering oneself. Soon we will be amused by simple colors and sounds going across the screen.

I sincerely hope that worthwhile programs start being seen again, but the way writers, and audiences apparently, are leaning towards lately, I'm not going to hold my breath. Maybe I should cancel cable and invest in an amazing movie collection. That is a thought indeed.