Time marches on

Seriously it seems like I blink and it has been months since my last post. And boy how things have changed.

We are currently 16 weeks pregnant with baby #3. This was quite unexpected and out of left field, but we are ecstatic non the less.  I know most people reading this think we are crazy with all my health problems and complications that we would be even open to more children. But we are. Children are the greatest blessing that God can bestow upon a family, and we welcome any additions with open arms and a joyous heart.

That doesn't mean everything is wine and roses in the meantime. Wine, oh how I miss thee. :)  Everything about pregnancy is hard for me; the mobility, the sickness, the liver problems, the sub chronic hemorrhage, the possibility of pre-e and abruption again, and the bed rest.

So yes, rough roads are ahead, but we have gotten through so much worse, we will survive this as well.

We will take all the prayers we can get right now. What's the saying, "we make too much for help, but too little to get by." This is us right now, caught in a very strange place and trying to work out the kinks. We will get through it, but need prayers.

The kids are getting so big and we love it here in Minnesota. Brendan loves his job and we are blessed with a new life once again.

I have also been humbled by having to hire a nanny. We love her and she is excellent with the kids, it just kills me not being able to take care of my kids by myself. Between my disability, stroke, bed rest and pregnancy, this mommy doesn't leave the couch much. I wish things were different, but this is the reality of our life right now.

So keep praying, call if you get the chance (I always love to talk) and keep reading for all the exciting upcoming twists and turns of our life ahead.

Home Ownership

Sometimes I hate being a grown up. Even more then paying medical bills and juggling appointments or even doing laundry (which I loathe with a passion) is trying to maintain everything you need to run a house smoothly.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE owning our own home with a yard and a garage! I love it. We have a washer and dryer and a dishwasher so I don't have to do things by hand anymore. Yeah! I love our basement that the kids can run around in and Brendan can have his office. I love the fact that we can take chalk and go out and draw on the driveway, or take chairs and sit on the deck.

But what I don't like, and quite frankly makes my head spin, is home maintenance. I have no clue what I am doing when it comes to appliances breaking down, changing filters, or yard/garden work. I do know there is a learning curve, but I think my brain just cannot keep up! Things need doing at certain times and I find myself pushing back "deadlines" because I'm at a loss.

We do have a home service plan for the major fixes, but I will be darned if I am going to pay thousands of dollars for the little things that we should be able to keep up with.

For instance, our lawn. It is in sorry shape. The previous homeowners stopped taking care of it once the home was on the market. We should have said something, should have caught it, but we didn't. So now we are stuck with a sad, sad yard and not a lot of experience. I refuse to spend a few thousand on sod and have it not really work or work well.

So I sent Brendan out with seed and fertilizer and then we water the heck out of things, hoping for the best. Hehe. I know we will eventually get used to this home ownership thing and come up with a plan and a system. But until then we seem to be treading water.  Oh, and Brendan likes to include the kids in home projects, I think it is cute.

Spring has arrived!!!

Everyone in the great state of Minnesota is breathing a collective sigh of relief, probably with the windows open and in bare feet. Spring has FINALLY come! It was just snowing four days ago and now it is in the 70's and it is beautiful.

My husband told me today that he never appreciated warm weather. He grew up in California and we lived there for the first 3 years of our marriage. It's a wonderful place where the weather is ALWAYS nice. He never appreciated warm weather until today.

We can thank God for the sun and the warmth and be grateful for beautiful days. I mean we went to the park four times this weekend! Four times and had to use sunscreen. I have never been happier then lathering my children up and sending them down the slides.

Kids love warm weather. They can run and jump and breath fresh air, and then they take three hour naps. I love this weather! Any depression or sadness seems to melt away with the sun. I know there will still be cold days in our future, the weatherman said the forties next week. But this is our glimmer of hope, our rainbow after a storm.

Summer will soon be here in the frozen tundra and I am grinning from ear to ear. Miriam even convinced me to buy her a pool, which she probably can't use for a few more months, but hey, summer is in the air.

Don't take good weather for granted. If you live in a warm place, praise God for that. If you live in the mid west, just thank God that we don't have snow in June. :) But in all seriousness, after a long, long time in the cold, a warm spring day feels like a blessing from God. I will be sure not to waste any time!

The tooth fairy better pay up!

I'm drugged, so we shall see how this one goes. Teeth pain is some of the worst pain a person can experience in my humble opinion. I have given birth twice, under some pretty gruesome circumstances, yet teeth pain makes it all pale in comparison.

I got a root canal done when I was 11 years old, and it has been holding firm for a good number of years. Then in January I had to get a root canal done on another tooth, forcing me to chew and use the right side of my jaw (which has never been used much because of my Cerebral Palsy.) Anyway, I think that contributed to my tooth trouble.

Yesterday I woke up in pain from what I thought was clenching my teeth. The Chiropractor adjusted my jaw and I felt better. 4am today rolled around and I was dying. My gums were 3 times the normal size and I was in a lot of pain. I thought it had abscessed, but it was much worse.

The dentist got me in at 8:30am and found that my old root canal was abscessed and that the root was cracked to the jawbone. The tooth had to go. I am glad it is over, but I don't wish that on my worst enemy. It was done at the office with a crazy amount of numbing agent, and after the extraction he found that the infection almost entered the jawbone, yikes. This means the infection had been brewing for a long time and finally drove me over the edge in pain.

I am also not your normal case, so my recovery time will be a lot longer. If you remember, please say a prayer for a speedy healing process. In 6 weeks I go in for an evaluation and discussion between a bridge and a dental implant.  Please feel free to chime in to what you think is best, bridge or dental implant. I will be doing research too, but I would love to hear from anyone with firsthand knowledge. All I can say is the tooth fairy better have a couple thousand underneath my pillow in the morning!

Well, it is WAY past my bedtime when I have drugs and pain taking over my body, so that will do it for tonight. Oh, and my sweet munchkins have cold, poor Miriam lost her voice this morning and James is a snotty mess.

What a life I lead! Hehe.

Children and Mass

Children are a blessing.  Blessings we love and cuddle and cannot get enough of, until they step through the doors of the sacred space on a Sunday morning. Then all hell breaks loose.

Taking children to Mass sometimes feels like preparing for battle. The diaper bag is packed full of weaponry to soothe the savage beasts and you pray for no blood shed. We don't use the crying room, crying rooms are for the faint of heart. No sir, we are on the front lines, front and center, facing whatever battle is to come.

I wish I could say we always have a successful time and there are no tears or screaming. But alas, I have a two year old and a 10 month old. The best I can hope for is no one dying and me to not need a drink after the closing song.

Most Sundays we struggle through, juggling baby James, trying and usually failing to avoid screaming matches with Miriam. It ends with Brendan taking her in back wailing, usually during consecration, "I don't waaaaant to go in time ouuuutttttt!!!"  It is days like that I wonder about our choice to take the little ones to Mass.

But then you have days like today, and they kind of make me smile. It was still hard, Miriam doesn't sit still and James is crazy. But there were a few times she got it. She really seemed to understand the point of Mass. "Jesus die on the cross mommy?" "Jesus come down in bread and wine?"  "Yes sweetheart."  And then she becomes a two year old again. "You drink wine mommy?" "Me drink wine when me get older." "Just one more song mommy." And then she claps at the end of Mass, "Yay! Now me can talk and get a lollipop."

Yes, I have been known to bribe my children for good behavior. But honestly, overall, she is getting better and better and I wouldn't trade the front row for the crying room in all the world. Happy Sunday!

Cabin Fever

I love Minnesota. It is affordable, full of wonderful people, and my husband loves his job. The one thing I hate, despise with every fiber of my being is winter. It can go, leave, and never EVER come back.

Here we sit, April 18th and there is a snow storm outside my window! Really? REALLY! Miriam and James have been going nuts inside and I'm reaching for another glass of wine as I write this post. Winter is only good for two things, Christmas and New Years. Therefore, it can snow from December 1st to January 1st and then it should all melt and be in the 80's. That is my kind of weather.

It is no wonder people get more depressed and sad in the winter. Being stuck inside for 7 months out of the year with two kids that are bouncing off the walls, we should get a dang metal. Better yet, keep your metal and give me a solo vacation to Hawaii. I think people in Alaska even have it easier.

Even with the day planned out, if the little ones don't get fresh air and sun, no art project in the world is going to make them happy. Why not just bundle them up and head outside? The downfall of limited mobility and a disability, I can't run after my kids in the snow. I can see the headlines now: "Woman found frozen in the snow after fall, two year old couldn't dig her out." Yeah, kind of want to avoid front page press.

We were supposed to go out to dinner tonight to see a friend that is in town for business, but we had to cancel because of the road conditions. For heaven's sake, it's Tornado Awareness Week, that time of year we should be worrying about spring storms and tornado sightings. Instead we had to cancel the one real adult interaction I was to have this week because of a snow storm. Yep, I am done and going stir crazy.

Days like today make me miss living in the Bay Area. It wasn't perfect, way too expensive, no families for miles, but they also did NOT have a foot of snow in mid April!

So if anyone reading this wants to treat me to a tropical getaway, I'm in. And make it a one way ticket while you are at it.

Soul Mates

Soul mates, yet another thing Hollywood and the general media has drilled into our heads, giving us a very skewed notion of life and love. Ms. N and I were watching a show, and the young woman on the screen was pining away for a love she could never have, what she called her "soul mate." I commented to the screen that she should get a life and find a man she could actually have.  This sparked a conversation.

How many young women become old women searching for soul mates that never exist? How many times do people let great relationships go because they are waiting for the perfect person, the person that makes them whole?

Movies and TV cry out to us to wait for it, cheat for it, even steal for it. That perfect person is out there, even sometimes coming in the disguise of an affair. It's wrong, you think, but also OK because they are "meant" for each other.

How many online dating sites out there claim to help you find your soul mate? And how many people have an unrealistic view of what they are looking for in a relationship? As a famous movie line once said, most people want to fall into someones arms and say "You complete me."  

The sad fact is no human being will ever make another whole, people will always disappoint and let us down. We are looking for our soul mate, but we won't find them on this earth. Our soul mate is Christ, that is who our heart desires and longs for.

Our mission and purpose on this planet is to find another person to love and care for, to raise saints and get each other to heaven. That is where our soul mate waits to fulfill our every hope and dream, to make us complete.  

Everything else is just gravy. Maybe this makes me too practical, or not romantic enough. Maybe you will question my love and devotion to the man I married. You shouldn't. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband to pieces and I would lay down my life for him and my precious children. But he isn't my soul mate.

He is the man I love and is an amazing husband and father, but he isn't perfect. And neither am I. We make each other's lives better, we support each other, we strive to be saints and to raise saints for heaven. But our love isn't perfect, it can't be, we are sinners. If either of us die, I hope we would both find love again, marry again. And God willing, we will all be reunited in heaven under the perfect love of our hearts desire.

FPIES is at it again

Even though we are dealing with 20% FPIES or so the doctor believes, it still manages to put a big dent in our evening plans. Last weekend we went to the Mall and James devoured a plate of french fries from the restaurant with no ill affects.

So throughout the week as we sat down for dinner we put James in the high chair to munch on fries. Last night he had crinkle cut fries from Target which was a change from the skinny fries also from Target.

My happy go lucky boy ate two or three french fries, he was fine and playing, until 2 hours later. He started coughing, then vomiting, then dry heaving off and on for the next few hours. Poor little James.

That made for a very long night last night. Going in to check on him every time he made a sound to make sure he wasn't vomiting again, and then setting up the pack and play in our room, because I wanted to be there fast if something happened. So we got through the night and he woke up today like nothing had happened. Really?! I do hate FPIES. I wish we could do something besides this trial and error stuff, because it's starting to grate on my nerves.

So we bit the bullet today and made our own fries, praying it wasn't the potatoes that he had a reaction to. Just potato, olive oil and a little salt. Now we wait and see, although he only ate a quarter of a fry, so I'm not sure that would be enough for any reaction whatsoever.

I will keep you all updated if we try something new, but I have a feeling we will be sticking to only fries for the foreseeable future. I am calling on Monday to get him into be seen at the feeding clinic and the gastrointestinal specialist. Small steps at a time, and today James is a happy healthy boy.

Television reflection

I don't know about you, but I have been wondering where all the good writers have gone?  Television just is not the same anymore and the plots are predictable and pretty dumb most of the time. Are they letting teenagers write scripts now? 

I am writing this as I sit down to yet another new show that I do not see going anywhere. Is this really what people want to see? I am "people" and I don't want to see any of this. I turn off the TV at night feeling disappointed and let down, thinking they could have gone so many directions with a plot or theme, but they don't, ever.

I cannot tell you the number of times I sit down to watch a new episode, any episode, and I can guess the plot and killer within the first 3 minutes of the show. Maybe that means I watch too much television, probably. But regardless, television is my escape for a time, and I have not found a good escape in a good long while.

Perhaps it started with the writers strike back in 2006 or whenever it was, but there are no depth to programs anymore. It comes down to reality television, badly written scripts, and sex/gore/violence shows. And I want none of them. There have been glimmers of hope here and there, but overall television has widely sucked for quite awhile. And any "glimmer" is usually cancelled within a season or moved to some obscure time slot or channel that no one has ever heard of. There they go to die.

Even shows that start out so promising, half way through the season end up drab and lacking. Seriously, are they hiring teenage writers? And what about reality TV? It is taking over our country and it's appalling. Yes it's low budget and gives people their 15 minutes of fame, but is it really worth our time? How many bachelors actually find lasting love? How many idols actually get famous? And survivor, don't get me started. News flash for anyone who lives under a rock, even reality TV is scripted, and not very well. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Then there are the shows where the more sex and gore, the better. Serial killers, affairs, murder, and blood, lots of blood. Sounds like the 5 pm news, but no, it's prime time television. I again have to ask, is this really what people want? It reminds me of Fahrenheit 451, staring at a screen, zoning out, not learning or bettering oneself. Soon we will be amused by simple colors and sounds going across the screen.

I sincerely hope that worthwhile programs start being seen again, but the way writers, and audiences apparently, are leaning towards lately, I'm not going to hold my breath. Maybe I should cancel cable and invest in an amazing movie collection. That is a thought indeed.

Stay at home mom Isolation

I have been thinking about this for some time, trying to think how I would word this post. So, I'm just going to jump in and go for it. Being a stay at home mom (SAHM) with no car is a very isolating occupation.

I am not saying I don't love being a SAHM, I do. I LOVE my kids. But being home all the time is lonely and the walls can close in on me very quickly. Does this mean I want to work outside the home? Not even close.

I have had to ask myself again and again, how do other women do this without going crazy? How did our moms do it, or even our grandmas?

The truth is, overall, they didn't do it alone. As I sit here in our house on a cul-de-sac, I have realized that I am the only one home during the day with my kids. Maybe there are other moms that are home in our area, but not in my immediate vicinity.

This was not the case when we were children, or when our parents were children. On any given day, the kids could all play outside together and the moms could chat and just be neighborly. Today, we have to schedule play dates, coordinate calendars, and drive to a central location.

Back in the day, all the moms on the block were home, so there was never a sense of isolation that SAHMs have today. You didn't have to worry about sending your kids outside, because there was always a mom peaking out her window keeping an eye on things. And you always had another adult to talk with during the day. You didn't have to strain yourself with toddler and babies waiting for real conversation when your husband came home from work.

I love being a SAHM, but I really dislike the lack of social interaction that it provides. Are there any easy answers? Not really; this is 2013, not 1960 or 1980. I cannot expect or hope that I will have a cul-de-sac full of SAHMs, but I also know I am not the only one with this problem.

In the world of two working parents, facebook and online forums have become the new next door neighbors. Now we just have to find a way for the kids to find some IRL friends.

Adventures at the Mall

I woke up tired and grumpy, not wanting to do anything today. Stumbled out to the living room to down my thyroid medication and a smoothie, hoping for some feeling of not near death that I seem to always experience these days. Brendan convinced me to take a shower and while I was in there I shouted, "I don't care what we do today, just get me out of this house!" Little did I know what he had in mind.

The Mall? On a Saturday? Was he crazy? I sure thought so, but being in the desperate situation that I felt I was in, I agreed. We packed up the diaper bag, the double stroller, and my cane and headed out for a grand adventure, at least that is what we were telling the kids.

Oh my, the Mall is PACKED on the weekend. For once, I was happy to be disabled, because we found a great parking spot and only drove around for 5 minutes. We looked into renting an electronic wheelchair thing, but for $30, it just wasn't worth it for me. So I switched off from using my cane, to using the stroller like a walker for support and leverage.

I walked today more then I have since the injury last April, and boy am I tired! Brendan guessed a couple miles at least.

We started to window shop, but the natives soon became restless, so off to lunch we went. Trying to find food in that place posed to be more of a challenge then I realized. It took us a while, but we soon settled on a food establishment, and really enjoyed ourselves. To our surprise, James ate 4 french fries and has yet to throw it up! Yay baby James!

The next order of business was to find ice cream, a task that seems like a homing beacon to a toddler. Miriam made a b-line to the nearest ice cream place before we even knew that it served ice cream. After our treat, we walked around and window shopped a bit, but the toddler wanted to go on the rides. We told her we couldn't go on the rides today, but we could stop by a store a get her most favorite princess, "Cinderelli."

Taking a toddler into that store is pretty insane. There is so much to see and do, and ALL the princesses are there. We came out unscathed, with "Cinderelli" in hand, but oh boy, that girl could have spent hours in there.

On the way out Miriam forgot who she was holding on to, and decided to jump and swing without warning. Mommy ended up on the floor and Miriam learned a new word. Yep, that one was all me. Great job in the mommy department on that one.

We stopped for a lollipop, then we dodged raindrops to the car. All in all, today was a successful day at the biggest mall I know of. Nobody died, nobody got lost, and we had only minor injuries on my part.

Enjoy your (hopefully-much-less-stressful-then-us) Saturday. And hey, the sun is coming out. Maybe that's God's way of saying, "If you see this, you've survived!"

Weaning headache

This post is not to start mommy wars or to say breast feeding is right or wrong. This is just my story on trying to wean my almost 10 month old. James turns ten months on Monday, and I'm just done with breast feeding. Kudos to those who can make it to a year or even two. But that is not for me, I am done!

So now I have the hard task in front of me of how to wean without killing anyone (with the hormones and pain) or without getting an infection. We have enough breast milk in the deep freezer to last until James is two, thanks to my super boobs, but I cannot get them to stop producing milk.

In our breast is best society, has no one come up with a safe drug to dry up your supply? Ahhhh! All anyone can tell me is to take a decongestant and use cabbage leaves. Really?! Am I the only one in 2013 who believes that if technology can be advanced as it is, why can't someone make the weaning process less unimaginably painful?

I think we as women have enough to deal with in childbirth, and PMS, and cycles, why add painful weaning to the list?

Right now I'm only trying (and failing) to feed James 3 times a day. I just get too full and too emotional. It's like PMS on crack and I want to take people out.  I also want to stop paying for this pump and return it to the hospital where it belongs. But as I type this at 11pm I am pumping because the last time I fed James was 5pm and there is no way I'm going to make it til morning without exploding.

How did I wean with my first you ask? I had no choice and great pain medicine. I broke my ribs and foot when Miriam was 6 months old and we had to stop cold turkey. My ribs and foot hurt so bad I didn't care about my chest, and the pain medicine took the edge off.

So how in the world do women do this? My supply won't just stop, theoretically I could be producing milk for the next 15 or so years. And I was afraid I wouldn't be able to feed James because it took 9 days for my milk to come in. Yeah, I think God is giggling right now.

So these are my ramblings for tonight. If anyone has any advice to make this easier, I would love to hear it. Good night!

Spring offers new hope

As I took a walk with the kids and Ms. N today, I realized how much we have been through over the last few years. Too much to go into right now, but it was so nice to see the children smiling and enjoying a cool spring walk (yes the weather man lied, it was supposed to be 54 and sunny today, it was not!)

James and I have some challenges ahead. James cannot eat solids and has some strange reactions when he does.

I am exhausted ALL THE TIME. It isn't PPD, or anything else doctors can pinpoint right now. My blood work is off, red blood cells are a funky shape, body not absorbing vitamins and minerals, very low body weight, very low body temp, thyroid is up and down, and no one can tell me what the problem seems to be. I guess time will tell for both of us.

The snow has finally melted from the yard and I saw a robin today, there is hope for a brighter spring and summer ahead. There seems to be challenges at every turn, I got winded today and my leg quit about a block into our walk.

I am still encountering spills and setbacks along the way, but I hope to get stronger and more independent as the year progresses. I pray I can get rid of this cane and keep up with my very energetic children.

Once we know more about James, I will write. Until then, I will try to keep up with this blog and give interesting posts about the family and kids. Enjoy the smiling twosome!!! :) Happy Wednesday!